Useful Tips

Learning to speak beautifully: 6 mistakes in conversation


John 8:32 says: "And you will know the truth, truth will set you free." Experiences and sensations do not set us free, but truth makes us free! In the New Testament, truth is always more important than subjective sensations. The New Testament believer always builds his life on the principles of scripture. Thus, in his life, truth precedes practice.

The following statement will be proved based on the Scriptures: the languages ​​in the Bible were non-ecstatic slurred speech and non-Angelic languages, different from the native speaker, and were a sign to the unbeliever Israel to confirm the truth of the sermon heard. Biblical languages ​​were temporary and have now ceased. The following arguments are evidence of this statement:

You may not play your fate, Do not call me on the road for you. You may not know that it was only with you I lived until the death of a grave.

You can not give me promises, Do not assure that I am forever yours. You can not look for dates with me, and don’t remember about me at all.

1. Very often speaking in tongues violates the commandments given by the early church:

  • Tongues are a sign to unbelievers (14:22), b. No more than three people from the congregation can speak languages, and only in turn (14:27),
  • There should be no speaking in tongues without interpretation (14:33),
  • Disorder and outrage do not come from God (14:33),
  • Women should be silent, not speak tongues (14:34),

Usually, this phrase is preceded by a certain woman’s behavior, when she takes upon herself all the household chores and once she no longer has the strength left. Then her, as they say, “breaks through”, and she expresses everything to her husband in full. Dear women, to begin with, no one asks you to do all your household duties yourself, you can always ask your spouse for help, just sit down and say key points: “I need your help, I can’t cope now, please help me here, here and here". Talk with your loved ones. A woman thinks that a man must guess everything by himself. So, he should not and will not guess! He is not a telepath. In addition, if you say this phrase in the negative, when your husband watches TV, he will not draw any conclusions. For him it would be some kind of slurred grumbling, and nothing more.

5. What is wrong? And you yourself do not see? Think for yourself what's wrong

“Don’t you see how bad I feel, are you so insensitive ?! Can't you guess it yourself? ”But how can a man guess? No way. Forget that phrase at all! Of course, a man might think, but he is unlikely to do it in the direction you need. Everyone thinks differently. It’s better to tell him most calmly what exactly is wrong, and not to torment him and yourself too.

Although a child may go through a period when he asks a lot of questions, may even get angry and upset, I think this is not an excuse for not telling him. Parents, in this case you are not protecting the child at all, because if you feel like a “freak” it’s just awful, and it’s even harder if you don’t even know the reason.

I do not know if I have the right to advise people what to do with my children, since I myself am still a child. Although someone said (I can’t remember exactly who exactly), that the best experts in CA are the people with CA themselves. However, if I could give advice to my parents, I would say that it is best to raise a child so that he knows from early childhood that he is different from other people and why. If we talk about this in a calm and everyday tone, he will be able to accept that the CA and everything else is part of himself, something that makes him unique and special.

If a child is often taken to doctors, and parents whisper with other people about him, but they don’t explain anything to the child, then you refuse the child the right to know who he is. Visits to specialists are an ideal opportunity to tell a child that he has an SA. Most of us children are well aware that we are somewhat different, but we are already used to taking tests and answering questions. Since we do not communicate very much, we may not understand that other children do not go to specialists at all. This is very unfair! So my final word is - tell the child the truth!

How and when to tell other people

First place: “Oh, everything!”

Translation into male language: “I have nothing to say, so shut up!”

“Oh, that’s all!” Is, of course, the jewel of the collection. The phrase, which has long become a stable Internet meme and an occasion for many sarcastic posts on the Internet. This short phrase, which is usually used by women to hush up an unpleasant conversation, is simply adored by all sorts of funny people, professional comedians and other cavemen mocking the beautiful half of humanity. In their opinion, as, indeed, in the opinion of most men, the true meaning of this phrase is deciphered approximately like this: “Yes, I’m wrong, now it’s obvious, you have driven me into a corner, I understand that, but I can’t admit that in some ways you lost, so we change the subject and forget what we just talked about. Let’s pretend that no one noticed anything, all these were insignificant nonsense! ”

“The best motivation always comes from within!”

So, initially we have 100% of the necessary energy of motivation. We came to a friend Pete and talked about how we were going to open an unusual online store. Subtract 10% of the allocated fuel. Now you have come to Comrade Vasya and described to him in detail your idea. Take away another 10%, and better all 20%. Then you told your work colleagues that you were going to devote your free time to a new idea. Subtract another 20%. Tell your friend Masha? Make the appropriate calculations again.

How many percent of the fuel motivation left in the end? thirty? five? -60?

The fact is that we need all 100%! Otherwise, we will not reach the final destination. We simply don’t have enough gasoline. But what if you have already spent half the allocated fuel? Then you feel a loss of interest. You stopped halfway. Now you will either abandon the target or wait and accumulate fuel again. It’s sad, given the fact that you have already told your friends about your desire to finish this damned online store.

Thus, we come to conclusion No. 3: Use the desire to brag to achieve the goal.

  • Englishen: the report goes, it is rumoured that ..., there were whispers, there are speculation
  • Latinla: fama est
  • Latvianlv: melš, ka ..., runā, ka ...
  • Deutschde: man erzählt sich, die Gerüchte kommen herum, das Gerücht ist im Gange, es geht das Gerücht um, daß ..., es sind Gerüchte in Umlauf, daß ..., ein Gerede geht um ...
  • Englishen: the report goes, it is rumoured that ..., there were whispers, there are speculation
  • Latinla: fama est
  • Latvianlv: melš, ka ..., runā, ka ...
  • Deutschde: man erzählt sich, die Gerüchte kommen herum, das Gerücht ist im Gange, es geht das Gerücht um, daß ..., es sind Gerüchte in Umlauf, daß ..., ein Gerede geht um ...

In any case, there will always be a topic of conversation, if you are attentive to the interlocutor, make compliments “by chance” and keep the course only on the positive! This article is written for the Academy of Experts project. Write, did you like her? Any questions to the author - feel free to write in the comments! Also remember your friends. You can influence their development. Like the article (the panel is on this page on the left) and share useful tips with friends on social networks.

1. Parasite words and tautology

The other day, you know, uh ... that was when I said, I tried to say something, and I just couldn’t say anything, because nuuu ... I don’t know, it just doesn't come to mind.

Compare with this option:

The other day I could not speak, because nothing crossed my mind.

Last week, during a conversation with a potential client, I could not say a word, because it was empty in my head.

What example, in your opinion, is more successful and more likely to attract people's attention? Of course, the last one.

In the first case - an abundance of unnecessary words that only inspire boredom in the audience. In the second, all verbal garbage is deleted, but the semantic component is clearly lame: the sentence is dry, about nothing. The third option is supplemented with the necessary details that open to the listener a picture of what is happening. Lively, “visual” phrases without parasitic words and unjustified repetitions are perceived and remembered much better.

If in 1987, US President Ronald Reagan in his speech to R. Reagan's speech in front of the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin said something about the Berlin Wall:

This wall is something mmm ... that should not be there, so, in general, let's remove it as soon as possible.

Such a message would simply be lost in the information flow. Instead, a laconic and capacious challenge was thrown:

Tear down this wall!

The most common parasitic words: here, as it were, simply, in general, this is the most, we will say, as they say, shorter, like, well, I don’t know, directly, so, yes. If desired, it is not so difficult to get rid of these and other unnecessary “fillers”. Here are three effective methods:

  1. Record your conversation on the recorder, and then listen and analyze. Evaluate whether it was possible to say something more briefly, whether you have parasite words. Most likely, you will come to the conclusion that it is better not to fill in the pauses at all than to insert in them an indistinct moo or unnecessary repetitions.
  2. Ask a friend to record some annoying sound for you. It can be a loud beep or a rattle. And let him turn it on every time you use the forbidden word again in a conversation.
  3. Many people perceive information better in writing or in print. Try composing short notes (speeches, dialogs). Then re-read them and ask yourself whether it is possible to make each sentence shorter, figurative and powerful. Of course, we all write and speak differently, each has his own style, but there are still general principles.

2. Problems with the rhythm of speech

Surely you noticed (if not for yourself, then for someone from those around you) speech defects of a rhythmic nature. When words are spoken abruptly, with too long pauses, or vice versa, a person chokes so that the listener does not have time to understand his thoughts.

To make a difference in perception, try saying the phrase below. Pronounce each syllable clearly and take short breaks between words. Listen to the sound of your speech:

Today I will go to the gym. Perhaps with a girlfriend.

You will get the so-called "stepwise" speech, in which too much emphasis is placed on individual syllables, and this is a mistake.

And now try to mix each word with the next, so that you get one whole passage. Read without hesitation, but without too much haste:

It may seem that this option sounds somewhat careless. In fact, speech with such smooth transitions-ligaments becomes easier for listening.

As for the pace that is too fast, there is a risk not only to remain misunderstood, but also to blurt out something superfluous (for example, in a fit of emotion). Tracking the speed of speech will help, again, recording on the recorder.

Try to breathe deeper before each sentence and think that you are being listened with great interest and you have nowhere to rush.

3. Inability to use body language

Many people know the difference between the closed and open variants in the body language, but continue to use closed gestures when it is necessary, on the contrary, to open.

Movements and facial expressions are characterized as open, if they express a friendly attitude and willingness to interact: when the palms are not hidden, the look is directed to the interlocutor's eyes, the feet are turned in his direction and the like. Closed gestures include arms or legs crossed, glances to the side or at the phone, clenched fists - everything that shows tension or even aggression.

We all have natural tendencies to behave in one way or another depending on the situation. If you do not agree with someone, the body automatically reacts: you narrow the pupils, turn your head away, cross your arms. And vice versa, when you are understood, listened to and supported, you open up unconsciously.

However, it is not always worth giving non-verbal signals to the interlocutor, often the situation requires the opposite. Try to control your body movements and facial expressions when talking. Pay attention to the position of the hands, what kind of facial muscles are straining. Having trained, you can manage it.

4. The habit of arguing

Disagreement itself is not a bad thing. As they say, truth is born in a dispute. So there are creative ideas, an incentive to learn and improve something. All this is useful and necessary for social interaction, even if you are against many people.

Disagreement can be considered a mistake only when nothing depends on the consent or disagreement of the interlocutors and does not change. That is, if it is an empty argument, which does not bring any results, except for the irritation of opponents. The essence of such discussions is not to learn something new. When you claim that someone is wrong, you enter into a verbal battle with him for status. And that is why most of the debaters remain unconvinced - to maintain dignity.

The next time you hear an absurd or incorrect, in your opinion, point of view, first find out why a person thinks so, and do not rush to refute it.

If, even after listening to the arguments, you do not agree with someone’s opinion, do not enter into a useless argument. Instead, move the conversation to another topic where you can come to an understanding. There is no such area? Then just avoid talking to this person.

5. Lack of topics for conversation

In an unfamiliar company or in conversation with people new to you, words can very quickly dry out due to difficulties in choosing a common topic. Probably, each of us at least once in a life had to draw some phrases out of himself, trying to fill in awkward pauses. In order not to get into uncomfortable situations, you can come up with a list of those on duty in advance and use them on occasion.

Imagine circumstances when you want to start a conversation with an unfamiliar or unfamiliar interlocutor: near a cooler at work, when meeting in a cafe, at a bus stop.

Prepare 10 topics that are suitable for talking with any person in any situation.

This is easier than it sounds. For example, you can always ask about life or work (of course, unobtrusively and delicately), discuss the latest news (but it is advisable to avoid politics), ask for advice on any issue. A win-win, albeit not too interesting, option is to talk about the weather.

6. Illiterate speech

Do not forget that talking with a competent, educated person is better perceived than with someone who is confused in cases and vocabulary stresses. Improve your speech culture, read more, use dictionaries. But at the same time, it is important to remember a sense of proportion: do not turn into a boring wise guy and do not burden the interlocutor with phrases and terms that are too complicated for him.

These are the most common colloquial errors. Do you have any of them? Maybe you know a good way to get rid of them? Share your experience in the comments.

What to say?

As a rule, when it is bursting to speak out, to speak is understandable. Maybe the content of what was said will not be accurate, clear, logical, but on the other hand from the heart and all at once. It is better to think over your speech, take time, formulate the main points in writing. It is useful after that to remove unnecessary, to say simply and only the main thing. After all, a word is not a sparrow ... You cannot let go of yourself unnecessary and unnecessary words.

How to say?

So that they understand. The meaning of what has been said is not that we want to communicate, but how the interlocutor understands this. Someone better perceives a calm, reasoned story, someone needs to express their thoughts emotionally, vividly, convincingly. The choice of the form of conveying information to the listener depends on his personal characteristics, it is useful to consider them.

Why talk?

Many easily know how to formulate a topic, its content, know how to state it. But the main question is why? What is the purpose? After all, the presence of information and the ability to speak is not an unconditional reason to start doing this. Why do we enter into communication? For example:

- ask a question, get information,
- make an offer,
- express doubt, request, claim, demand.

It may turn out that there is no need to speak.

With questions it can be difficult. It is often better not to ask them at all, even if there is no suggestion of what kind of answer can be obtained, what feelings arouse.

“Who do you love more, mom or dad?”

Why is this question needed?

The proposal should be attractive, interesting. Otherwise, there is a chance to get a refusal. Do I need to run into him?

- I suggest a drink.
- I do not drink.
- What, do not respect?

Do you want to make a doubt, request, claim, demand? So this is what you want. Do you need another person? Why offer him what is not needed? What could be the answer?

Of course, everything is determined by the context and circumstances of communication. It’s just useful to ask yourself a question more often: why do I want to say this?

If you understand that there is a reasonable answer, then speak. The conversation will be meaningful and enjoyable for everyone. If you don’t know why, then let this question help you learn to be silent and not say too much.

Metaphor for the topic of an article ...

Однажды к Сократу пришел человек и сказал:

— Ты знаешь, что говорит о тебе твой друг?

Сократ ответил ему:

— Прежде чем сказать мне эту новость, просей ее через три сита. Первое — это сито правды. Ты уверен, что-то, что ты мне сейчас скажешь, является правдой?
— Ну, я слышал это от других.
— Вот видишь, ты не уверен. Второе сито — это сито добра. Эта новость обрадует меня, станет для меня приятной?
— Совсем нет.
— И, наконец, третье сито — сито пользы. Будет ли эта новость полезной?
— Сомневаюсь.
“You see, you want to tell me news in which there is no truth and goodness, moreover, it is useless.” Why say it then?


rumor has it (no.)